The Unprofessional Emotion: Hate and Loath at The Workplace

 Introduction

In the professional world, emotions are often seen as a double-edged sword. For some, expressing emotions at work is seen as a risky move, something best left unsaid unless you’re ready to face the consequences. For others, particularly those in leadership positions, emotions are a vital tool—whether used to motivate a team, build trust, or express passion for the work at hand. The question then arises: who should express their emotions at work, and when is it appropriate? Is it an entitlement for those climbing the corporate ladder, or a sign of someone on their way out?

Pro-Expression (Emote)

The proponents of emotional expression in the workplace argue that it fosters a culture of authenticity, transparency, and trust. Leaders who are open with their emotions—whether in town halls, public speeches, or one-on-one interactions—are often perceived as more relatable and genuine. This approach can build stronger connections within a team, encourage open communication, and foster a sense of belonging. For employees, expressing emotions can serve as a form of advocacy, highlighting issues that need attention, or simply providing a way to connect with colleagues on a human level.

Anti-Expression (Remote)

On the other side of the spectrum, many believe that the workplace is not the appropriate venue for emotional displays, particularly negative ones. From this perspective, maintaining a "remote" stance—keeping emotions in check—is a sign of professionalism and self-control. This approach is seen as a way to maintain focus on work, ensure that personal feelings don’t disrupt the office environment, and prevent emotional outbursts from undermining authority or credibility. By staying composed, employees and leaders alike can navigate challenges without letting emotions cloud their judgment.

The Grey Lines: Emotes vs. Remotes

The line between expressing and suppressing emotions at work isn’t always clear-cut. It’s easy to assume that one should always lean towards being remote—after all, a calm, composed demeanor is often praised in professional settings. However, there are situations where expressing emotion can be powerful and even necessary. The key lies in understanding when and how to do so effectively.

For example, a leader addressing a team during a crisis might choose to express concern or urgency to motivate and rally the team. In contrast, the same leader might remain calm and composed during a heated negotiation to avoid escalating tensions. Similarly, an employee who feels passionately about a project might express that enthusiasm to inspire their colleagues, but would do well to avoid showing frustration during a feedback session.

The grey area between emotes and remotes is where most of us operate daily. The challenge is to navigate this space with emotional intelligence, knowing when to share your feelings and when to hold them back.

The Pitfalls and Risks

Whether you choose to express or suppress your emotions at work, there are inherent risks. Employees who frequently express negative emotions might be seen as unprofessional, or worse, as a problem within the team. This could lead to career setbacks or strained relationships with colleagues and superiors. Conversely, leaders who suppress emotions entirely may come across as aloof or unapproachable, potentially missing opportunities to connect with their team on a deeper level.

For employers, the stakes are equally high. A leader who shows too much emotion might inadvertently create a culture of instability or unpredictability, whereas one who shows too little might fail to inspire or engage their team. The key is balance—understanding when to be open and when to remain composed.

The 10-Minute Rule

Before you allow your emotions to dictate your actions at work, it’s crucial to ask yourself a few questions:

• Why am I expressing these emotions? What’s the purpose? Are you looking to gain something specific, or are you simply venting?
• What do I gain by doing so? Will expressing your emotions help resolve the issue, or will it complicate things further?
• To whom am I expressing these emotions? Are you talking to someone who can actually help, or are you speaking to someone who might not care or could even use your vulnerability against you?
• Can they help? Do they have the capacity, willingness, or authority to assist you?
• Do they care? Is this person genuinely interested in helping you, or are they just a passive listener?

Take a moment—a 10-minute pause can be incredibly effective. This gives you time to cool down and assess the situation more objectively. If, after 10 minutes, you still feel the need to express your emotions, think carefully about the intensity and manner of your expression. On a scale of 0 to 10, consider where your emotions fall, with zero often being the most appropriate choice.  Zero is ideal and utopic!

Emotional Intelligence

Contrary to popular belief, emotional intelligence is not about manipulating or hiding your feelings. It’s about perceiving the emotions of others and responding appropriately. Emotions are often best felt rather than spoken. If your team lacks the emotional intelligence—or kindness—to sense how you’re feeling, it might be necessary to express yourself in a more strategic manner. Instead of saying, "I’m feeling overwhelmed," try framing it as, "I need more support to ensure this project’s success."

The License to Express Feelings

There’s a certain privilege that comes with leadership—leaders and business owners often have the "license" to express their emotions openly. This isn’t because they’re immune to the consequences, but because their roles often require them to engage, inspire, and connect with their audience. Leaders may be trained to express their emotions in a politically correct and purposeful way, using their feelings to drive a point home or rally their team. However, this license doesn’t extend to everyone. Be aware that just because a leader expresses emotions doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for you to reciprocate in the same manner.

Work from Home and the Challenge of Emotional Expression

The shift to remote and hybrid work models has significantly impacted how we connect and express ourselves in the workplace. Gone are the spontaneous "water cooler" conversations or casual coffee breaks that allowed for natural, informal exchanges of emotions. This new reality can make it more challenging to build connections with colleagues and to express feelings freely. The distance created by remote work can further suppress emotional expression, making it difficult to gauge and respond to the emotional needs of the team.

In the end, whether to express or suppress your emotions at work is a nuanced decision. It requires a balance of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and a clear understanding of your role and the situation. By thoughtfully navigating the grey area between emotes and remotes, you can maintain professionalism while still being true to yourself.

At VCII - we feel you!
At the Value Creation Innovation Institute (VCII), we understand the complexities of navigating modern work environments, especially in remote and hybrid setups. Our programs are designed to equip professionals and leaders with the emotional intelligence, strategic skills, and tools they need to thrive in any work culture. Whether you’re managing a remote team or seeking to enhance your leadership capabilities, VCII offers the guidance and support necessary to excel. Visit VCII today to explore our courses and start transforming your career.

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