The Startup Catwalk: On Ducks, Dicks, Decks and Pitches!

This viewpoint is very opnionated and might only be suitable to an openminded audience willing to read between the lines and overlook the dramatic tone - which our content contributors have deemed necessary to best prortray the struggles of startup founders at all startup stages and with all startup participalnts and players. 

Profanity Warranted: Anger and Anguish at the Startup Catwalk

Welcome to the high-stakes world of startups, where ambition meets reality and dreams are as easily shattered as they are built. The startup catwalk is a place where founders and funders strut their stuff, each trying to outshine or outsmart the other, but behind the scenes lies a landscape littered with confusion, bravado, and a lot of smoke and mirrors. Today, we’re exploring this chaotic grind to meet the four characters who have become all too familiar on this stage: Ducks, Dicks, Decks, and Pitches.

Ducks: The Generalists Trying to Fly, Swim, or Run (But Not Quite Sure Which)

Meet the Ducks—founders who are still figuring it out, pivoting endlessly in their quest to find the right path. Ducks are generalists by necessity, dabbling in various sectors and reinventing themselves with every new trend. One day they’re fintech pioneers; the next, they’re healthcare innovators, all in an effort to catch the elusive investor's eye. They are the quintessential jack-of-all-trades, masters of none.

Duck Behavior: Ducks are characterized by their relentless adaptability. Need an AI angle? They’ve got it. Crypto? Sure, why not. Ducks live in a constant state of reinvention, slapping together a new vision whenever the market shifts or an investor shows a hint of interest. But here’s the catch: this perpetual pivoting often means that Ducks lack depth. Their products can be superficial, their market strategies half-baked. But hey, why dig deep when you can just flap about and hope something sticks?

The trouble with Ducks isn’t their versatility but their lack of focus. They embody the phrase “fake it till you make it,” but without ever fully committing to “make it.” They’re forever learning to fly, swim, or run, never mastering any one of these. As an extreme case of personal development and branding  -   In the frantic bid to be everything for everyone, Ducks often end up being nothing to anyone.

Dicks: The Manipulative Players Piggybacking on Others' Success

Enter the Dicks—those cunning individuals in the startup world who aren’t just limited to venture capitalists but also include founders and entrepreneurs. They’re the ones who, rather than building something of their own, look to piggyback on the success of others, leveraging connections and opportunities for their gain without putting in the real work. Dicks thrive on manipulation, squeezing value out of situations and people, and rarely sticking around to face the consequences of their actions.

Dick Behavior: Dicks are the sly operators who latch onto promising ventures, inserting themselves into the narrative just enough to reap the benefits. Whether it’s snagging a spot on the founding team late in the game or claiming undue credit for the hard work of others, their playbook is all about shortcuts and self-interest. They exploit the goodwill and effort of genuine founders, pushing for quick wins that often undermine the long-term potential of the venture.

Dicks treat the startup ecosystem as a stepping stone for their ambitions, viewing each relationship as a transaction rather than a partnership. They play to win, but their wins are often hollow, achieved at the expense of others. Whether they’re nudging founders toward risky decisions for a fast payday or bailing when things get tough, Dicks are more about the thrill of the quick score than the journey of building something meaningful. Their legacy? A trail of burned bridges, disillusioned partners, and missed opportunities for genuine innovation.

Decks: The Style Enthusiasts in the Startup Team

Beyond being mere slide presentations, Decks are also the people within the startup ecosystem who are obsessed with aesthetics and first impressions. These individuals often prioritize style over substance, believing that a slick pitch deck with the right buzzwords and visuals can overcome any underlying shortcomings. In the startup team, the Decks are the ones who push for polished narratives, eye-catching designs, and a compelling story—even if the foundation of the business idea is still shaky.

Deck Behavior: Decks in human form are the team members who can spin a story out of thin air, often emphasizing presentation quality over product quality. They believe that perception is reality, and in many high-stakes meetings, their polished pitches do get the attention. However, the problem arises when this focus on appearance doesn’t match the operational reality. Decks excel in making the business look investor-ready on paper, but their glossy exteriors can mask unaddressed flaws, such as a lack of real customer traction, inadequate product development, or an unsound business model.

Decks thrive on the startup catwalk, where the show matters as much as—or sometimes more than—the substance. They are the masters of making things look good, but when it comes to digging into the nitty-gritty of execution and sustainable growth, their expertise often falls short. They can help open doors, but to walk through them, the team needs more than just a shiny façade; it needs depth, grit, and a solid plan for delivering on the promises made in those polished slides.

Pitches: The Smooth Talkers of the Startup World

Then there are the Pitches—the smooth operators who excel at talking their way into meetings but often struggle to deliver once they’re in. Pitches are the charismatic members of the startup team, known for their ability to sell a vision with flair and confidence. They are the ones who can make any idea sound like the next big thing, weaving narratives that capture the imagination and, occasionally, the wallets of investors.

Pitch Behavior: Pitches are not just about presenting; they’re about persuasion. They are skilled at reading the room, adapting their tone and content to suit the audience, and pivoting on the fly to address objections. However, Pitches often excel in the art of entry but falter when it comes to follow-through. Their strength lies in creating excitement and getting a foot in the door, but sustaining that momentum requires more than just a great pitch—it requires delivery, and that’s where they sometimes stumble.

Within the startup team, Pitches are invaluable for their ability to get meetings, attract attention, and keep the narrative compelling. But their talent can become a double-edged sword when over-reliance on verbal dexterity masks deeper issues within the business. When it’s time to roll up the sleeves and turn pitches into performance, the charm of Pitches needs to be matched with the operational prowess to back it up.

The Grand Performance: When Ducks Meet Dicks

The startup-investor relationship is a performance for the ages. Ducks, in their endless pivoting, meet Dicks, who are in for the ride but not the long haul. Decks are the choreographed dance, the glitz and glamor that tries to make it all look seamless, and Pitches are the final act—the last stand in the court of venture capital judgment.

When these four come together, it’s less of a dance and more of a tug-of-war. Founders juggle the need to be flexible without being aimless, while investors weigh potential against profit. Decks gloss over the gritty, and Pitches do the heavy lifting of making it all sound plausible. It’s a spectacle, a show of bravado, and sometimes, just sometimes, it leads to something extraordinary. But more often, it’s a circus of missteps, missed cues, and mismatched expectations.

The Balance of Satire and Reality

There’s a kernel of truth in every jest, and in the satire of Ducks, Dicks, Decks, and Pitches lies a reflection of the real startup ecosystem. It’s a world driven by ambition, creativity, and the relentless pursuit of something bigger. But it’s also a world plagued by superficiality, impatience, and the lure of quick wins over lasting impact.

So, as you navigate the startup catwalk, whether you’re a founder or a funder, remember: it’s not just about the performance. It’s about the substance, the grind, and the guts to push beyond the pitch. Because at the end of the day, the real winners aren’t just the ones who dazzle on the deck—they’re the ones who deliver in the market.

Stay true, stay grounded, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll see fewer Dicks and more genuine partnerships, fewer empty Decks, and more meaningful pitches. After all, it’s not just a catwalk; it’s a journey, and the stakes are real.